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Akiva Lane
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What does someone say to a friend who he thinks is too optimistic?

You topian!

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Akiva Lane
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What's good about using lion bookends?

Then you can read between the lions.

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Akiva Lane
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Why should we be very cautious about being cynical?

Its first syllable is sin.

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Akiva Lane
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What did Alan do when he left his 5th floor apartment in the old apartment building without an elevator?

He walked down and later walked up the run-down staircase in the run-down walk-up.

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Akiva Lane
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How did Jack learn to give himself a haircut?

He knew it off the top of his head.

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Akiva Lane
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What city is known for being nice?

Nice, France.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call a doctor who prescribes a daiquiri cocktail flavored with hickory?

A hickory daiquiri doc.

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Akiva Lane
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What is it called when someone corrects a Morse code message they regretted sending?

Re-Morse.

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Akiva Lane
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Did Betty know where her lost ring was?

Off hand, she didn't know.

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Akiva Lane
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What did Liz drink with tea to try to make a date go well?

Date honey.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did this make Mike confused?

He didn't know if it was a scissors or a pair of scissors.

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Akiva Lane
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How did ice cream get its name?

When you go on a scale after eating it, you scream.

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