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Akiva Lane
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What did the Mayor say when the workers put street signs upside down?

This is not a good sign.

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What do you call a delicatessen that specializes in lox?

A lox smith.

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Why did the employee make sure he never signed his name twice?

He was concerned that if he re-signed, he'd be out of a job.

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Akiva Lane
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What does praying and Swiss cheese have in common?

They are both holy.

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What happened to Martha when she fell into the large strainer that she was using?

She strained herself.

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Akiva Lane
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What is a prosecutor that doesn't respect defendants rights called?

A persecutor.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call spaghetti that is a double agent?

An im-pasta.

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Akiva Lane
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What is news from last week called?

Olds.

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Why was Mrs. Jones always looking under her son's bed?

She was hoping that there might be something new under the son.

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What is the difference between a building under construction and a flashlight?

The building uses heavy beams, and a flashlight uses light beams.

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How did Jim feel when he walked barefoot on seashells at the beach?

He was shell shocked.

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Akiva Lane
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Why didn't Bill like raquetball?

He thought it was off-the-wall.

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