Pictures:

Akiva Lane
General
Picture

What's the combination of a man and a lima bean?

A human bean.

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Akiva Lane
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What was a misunderstanding between Bill and his wife?

She asked for toilet water for her birthday, and he didn't know it meant perfume.

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Akiva Lane
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What will happen if the San Andreas Fault causes an earthquake?

It will be covered by no-fault insurance.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Janet eat from a bag of dates when she talked to Joe at work?

She wanted him to ask her for a date.

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Akiva Lane
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Why was Sandy sure that her daughter would become an actress?

Because every time she didn't get her way, she would make a scene.

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Akiva Lane
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Are people in a family 'absolute'?

They are 'relative', that's why they are called relatives.

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Akiva Lane
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What novel does this represent?

Frank and stein.

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Akiva Lane
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What is someone called who is always thinking about buildings?

He has an edifice complex.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the thief who wanted to repent always do things very quickly?

He didn't want to hold people up.

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Akiva Lane
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What kind of bean has regrets?

A coulda bean.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the family put a big painting in their living room?

They wanted to get better at seeing the big picture.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the loaf of bread feel insecure?

It felt kneady.

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