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How did the lawyers refer to the case of the pillow company being sued?

The pillow case.

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What happens when a person has to work on Sundays?

It's a weakened weekend.

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What do you call a thief that leaves no clues?

Stainless steal.

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What did the mother say to get her son to stop playing video games and come to dinner?

Step up to the plate.

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When one spouse says, 'I've had it up to here', what can the other spouse say?

What is 'it' and where is 'here'?

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What is it called when a mystic is hopeful about the future?

Opti-mistic.

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What do palm trees and calendars have in common?

They both have a lot of dates.

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Where do boots go to rest and have fun in the summer?

Boot camp.

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What did the seamstress say when she couldn't fix a hole in a sweater?

Oh darn it!

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What did Mr. electric eel says to Mrs. electric eel?

You look absolutely stunning!

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What do spices and the earth have in common?

They are both ground.

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What are ticks called that live in a parrot's feathers?

Polly Ticks

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