Pictures:

Akiva Lane
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What excuse can be used by a person who drinks too much?

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy.

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Akiva Lane
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What is the healthiest kind of table?

A vege-table.

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Akiva Lane
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What was the plastic's response when the steel suggested that they get together?

I'm flexible.

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Akiva Lane
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Why do female sheep often have an identity crisis?

Because they think, "I am a ewe".

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Barry look at his feet when he walked at work?

Because his boss told him he had to watch his step.

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Akiva Lane
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When did the mother of a newborn boy wake up?

At son rise.

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Akiva Lane
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How do you say hello to the middle of the day?

High, noon!

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call a pair of pants that wants to be forever young?

Peter pants.

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Akiva Lane
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What can you take when you're tired?

You can take a nap or you can take a break.

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Akiva Lane
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What is a well after the repairman fixes it?

Well adjusted.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call someone who is an expert about alarm clocks?

An alarmist.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Lisa carry a ball up the hill?

There were so many things she wants to do, and she wanted to get the ball rolling.

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