Pictures:

What ring weight absolutely nothing?

The ring tone of a phone.

2915

How do you describe that the bark of a tree doesn't taste as good as its fruit?

It's bark is worse than it's bite.

2505

What word and number indicate the winner of a race?

Won and 1.

721

Why did the prisoner ask the judge to put words on a train?

Because he wanted the judge to commute his sentence.

412

When the camp went camping, what did they call the group that got splinters?

The splinter group.

2475

What is an expert thief who is second in command called?

An accomplished accomplice.

1156

How did David feel about praying in a talis?

It was a fringe benefit.

531

What's does track & field have in common with a Polish bank?

They both have Pole vaults.

563

What would ticks be called if they were found on the moon?

Luna-ticks.

2495

What did Bill say when Max wanted to kill a bug that landed on Bill's watch?

You're not going to do that on my watch.

2158

What collection of animals gets its name from the sounds they make together?

A herd.

2041

Why couldn't Joe say the phrase "A cyclone that looks like a tongue."

Because it was a tongue twister.

2821