Pictures:

Why was this water making high-pitched noises?

Because it was a creak.

1472

What do you call an airline founded by a group of inheritors?

United Heirlines

1459

What did they say about the king who was only 12 inches tall?

He was an excellent ruler.

3209

Why is being grateful the best investment?

It always appreciates.

2159

Why did one man leave the card playing group of his wife's friends?

He needed to "de-talks".

506

Which fruit cannot be consumed as a single entity?

A pair

2531

What is true about this famous journalist?

His name is Mudd

1298

Why do 95% of bald people still own a comb?

They can't part with it.

2221

How does one get men to listen?

Stress to "He'd" his words.

1483

Why was a homeless man invited to join the London Symphony Orchestra??

They needed someone to play an 'oboe'.

823

Why did the obese woman get insulted when the doctor estimated her weight?

The doctor called it a "ballpark figure".

200

What do you call someone who believes only 12.5% in a Universal Being?

An eighth-iest

232