Pictures:

How did the man who ate nothing but vegetable soup for decades live to be 100?

He took good stock in himself.

372

How is your mother's annoying baby sister similar to a city in Western Europe?

They're both aunt twerps.

1397

What's the proper thing to say to a friend who just bought a fancy new wine cooler?

Cool!

3173

How are the prices at the new Italian restaurant?

They cost a pretty penne.

781

What are "octopy"?

Pizzas topped with calamari.

2356

What's a good marketing tagline for Budweiser?

Taste Buds!

1073

What's going on here?

This man's wife asked him to hold his horses.

875

How do mountain goats seem to defy gravity on steep slopes?

They use cliffhangers.

1113

Why does this horse always give leg cramps to its riders?

His name is Charley.

1275

What do we have here?

Katy barred the door.

1291

What did the uninitiated tourist think when he visited here?

People were talking to the wall.

638

What is not a nice way to describe how one's vacuum cleaner works?

It sucks!

368