Pictures:

What is the man on the right doing?

Scraping the bottom of the barrel from the top.

1302

How in one word can one complain that their grapes aren't ripe yet?

Gripe

872

Why were the homeowner's dogs silent when a burglar came and went?

They were hush puppies.

1289

P.T. Barnum was right...

There is a sucker born every minute.

1306

Why is lumping people together not a good practice?

Because to average them is "mean".

782

What did the Mayor say about the turnstile jumping on the subway?

That's not fare!

1476

What diagnosis caused the man to break his leg by being too anxious?

A stress fracture

296

Why did the weight-loss clinic hire a dermotologist?

To make people skinny.

1816

What is not a nice way to describe how one's vacuum cleaner works?

It sucks!

368

What type of music do young ladies like best?

Hymns

2286

Why did the army's mortar shells keep falling out?

They were dealing with a loose canon.

215

What is this man's motto?

"A waist is a terrible thing to waste".

306