Pictures:

Akiva Lane
General
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Why couldn't Alan sit in a chair when he worked?

He was a stand-up comedian.

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Akiva Lane
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What kind of bush can take you by surprise?

An ambush.

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Akiva Lane
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How is waiting in line similar to being a doctor?

You need patience.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Martha lose weight when she ate vegetables?

Because they took away her appetite.

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Akiva Lane
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What is a cookie with a PhD called?

A smart cookie.

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Akiva Lane
General
Picture

What is something that many bathrooms don't have?

A bath.

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Akiva Lane
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What is the name of a locksmith store where the locksmith has blond hair

Goldi Locks.

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Akiva Lane
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If the rule is "I before E except after C", why is the word Weird different?

Because the word is Weird.

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Shane Ronay
General
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What did the lady on the subway say when a panhandler asked for a donation?

Sorry, I'm strapped at the moment.

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Akiva Lane
General
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Why did Fred often touch the four quarters he kept in his pocket?

To remind himself that sometimes change is hard.

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Akiva Lane
General
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When does the weather need a therapist?

When it's raining like crazy.

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Akiva Lane
General
Picture

What phone app helps you go to sleep for short periods of time?

The Nap App.

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