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Akiva Lane
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Why did Bill eat ice cream every day?

It cooled him down when so many things made his blood boil.

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Akiva Lane
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What does a warning label on a large strainer say?

Don't strain yourself.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you get when you are in a hurry?

You get going.

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Akiva Lane
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When Mark heard his friend say 'I saw her in this dress', why did he get alarmed?

He thought he said, 'I saw her in distress'.

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Akiva Lane
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How do baseball players keep in touch with each other?

They touch base with each other.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Terrie Gross's boyfriend find her mysterious?

Because her name was Miss Terrie.

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Akiva Lane
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When Mark got sick and couldn't play trumpet in the school band for a week, what did he do?

The doctor gave him a note that he couldn't play notes.

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Akiva Lane
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How do you describe when someone eats too much too fast?

Haste makes waist.

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Akiva Lane
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What is an insect that hums?

Humbug.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Marty not want to get rid of his old beat-up car?

Because then he would be wreck-less.

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Akiva Lane
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Though Joe was a great pitcher, why did he insist on playing other positions on the baseball team?

He didn't want to be pitch-in holed.

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Akiva Lane
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What organic compounds are similar to people who like teenagers?

Proteins.

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