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Akiva Lane
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When Marsha told her husband on the phone that she was late, why did he call the police?

She said she was being held up.

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Akiva Lane
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How did Sam feel when he left the Far East?

He felt dis-oriented.

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Akiva Lane
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How do spiders find food to eat?

They look on the web.

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Akiva Lane
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What is the result if you combine a sweet pie and a sharp onion?

You get an O-PI-NION that is both sweet and sharp.

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Akiva Lane
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What kind of fruit did they use against Donald Trump?

He was impeached twice.

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Akiva Lane
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What day is just before a birthday?

Labor day.

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Akiva Lane
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What's high in the middle, and round at both ends?

The word Ohio.

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General
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What did Ted say about his playing a bagel in the school play?

My role is a roll.

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Akiva Lane
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What is an Eskimo father called?

An ice pop.

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General
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What do you call someone who steals dishes from a housewares store?

Dish-honest.

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General
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What kind of glasses are these?

They're reading glasses.

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Shane Ronay
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Why do butchers need regular vacations?

To escape the grind.

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