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Akiva Lane
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To measure the size of a bagel, how much of the bagel do you include?

You include the whole.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Beth try not to stir the pot of soup too much?

She didn't want to go stir crazy.

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Akiva Lane
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How did Cynthia feel about the fact that pollen counts were low?

She felt that was nothing to sneeze at.

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What do you call a chemical that makes you laugh?

A comical chemical.

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Akiva Lane
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If you formed some herbs into a small submarine, what would be the result?

A suburb.

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Akiva Lane
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How did Melissa feel when she found out, after waiting in line, that the concert was sold out?

She found it disconcerting.

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Akiva Lane
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Where do small burps live?

In the sub-burps.

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Akiva Lane
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How did the baseball player have a family meal?

He sat at his home plate.

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Akiva Lane
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What part of a car is similar to these wooden dashes?

The dashboard.

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What is the key to the monastery called?

The monk key.

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Akiva Lane
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What does a piece of paper and a soda without fizz have in common?

They are both flat.

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What did Jimmy say when he couldn't go out to play because it was raining?

When it rains, it bores.

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