Pictures:

Why did the kleptomaniac go to the doctor?

He wanted to know what he could take for his condition.

1654

Which famous explorer invented the golf shirt?

Marco Polo

1600

What TV show is about seasoning food?

The spice is right.

361

Why is an Achilles tendon injury so severe?

They take forever to heel.

1176

Why did astrophysicist Steven Hawking fail his history class?

It wasn't rocket science.

1262

Why did Beth wear a blindfold when she slept?

Because her husband was such a light sleeper.

655

Why did Bill avoid using sucking candies?

He didn't want to be considered a sucker.

1857

What did Liz drink with tea to try to make a date go well?

Date honey.

1741

How did the squirrel corner the market on acorns?

He opened many branches.

182

What happens when military officers attend a party?

They order everyone "a round".

1232

What object sounds like it was stolen, and what object sounds like it has seen a lot?

The lute and the saw.

2455

What do you call a very young bee?

A bay bee.

3171